running in a circle

'i woke up one morning, and said to myself,'this IS the beginning of all happiness! this is the just the starting so ofcourse there will be more! ... but that didn't happen.... it was not the beginning... it was just happiness, just a moment of happiness, right there.'

i quoted the above dialogue from a famous movie called 'The Hours'. I can somehow relate to it.

I made a random hypothesis. I'd like to know any kind of arguments (if anyone's reading my blogs! lol)

Well from my experience i've learnt that we are all running in a circle. I can point out a number of guys who to wants to be with me, but I want to be with someone else... but it's not meant to be. That guy would never get the girl he dreams of...and so on so on. Ofcourse there are exceptions. Like two people in love even get to marry each other. We write love stories about them haha. But how many love stories are successful. Aren't the best of music or novel written full of heartbroken stories?

Songs without words

Recently i've been listening to Arabic music. my top favorites are Nancy Ajram and  Elissa. I don't understand Arabic at all. But I have to confess something. Its only because of you, I love arabic. The songs soothe my ears. I don't need to know the words, I can feel what they are singing about. I think I'm gonna name my daughter Elissa. haha. just a random thought.

Life is Alright.

I wish I had spent less time on Facebook and more time on writing my blogs. Because I certainly enjoy doing the later more. But I suppose, when it comes to do something creative, my demons take over my mind. Anyway, I am here now so it's better not to waste time regretting. My life is passing by so fast. I want to make the best of it. I've started taking French lessons. I hope I'll be able to finish my diploma of 1 year.
My scores in tests are dropping. I feel frustrating at times. Plus I'm having personal problems with my friends. Well I used to think they're my friends. But now I'm the center of the circle and my 'friends' are at a distance, same distance apart from my vulnerable self. Uh., I know I sound so depressed. But I'm not so depressed as I sound. Life is good at times. Especially now, when it's raining!

Don't want so many friends anymore

I used to know a girl through 'X'. Now i don't talk to 'X' anymore but decided to remain friends with that girl. she was nice, easy to talk to. We bonded. But recently I figured out she isn't talking to me anymore. Maybe she's busy?? But her facebook status are up-to-dated! I sent her a message on fb just to make sure everything was fine. Well it isn't, cause she didn't reply back. I can't help thinking that this 'X' has something to do with it.


But even if 'X' asked her not to talk to me, it only means she didn't like me for who i was, right? Gosh, that hurts so much. Putting someone as a priority in your life, when you are just an option to him/her life?? Nah, its not my fault, and all I  know is that if 'X' told me to stop talking to her, I would simply say,' Mind your own business.'

Sometimes friends are such a pain in the ass. Don't want so many friends anymore. Sigh!

mind against heart

I think the hardest part of letting go of someone is to try desperately to hold him or her back, knowing you're too weak without them. Deep inside you know that 'someone' will not come back to you, but still you're holding him/her back in name of letting go. you deceive yourself by saying, 'I'd just keep his favorite songs in my cellphone,it's not like i'm keeping their pictures anymore.' And although you've gone 3 or 4 months without talking/texting that 'someone special' you know you'd give in easily if he/she calls/texts you back. people will tell you he/she didn't deserve you, so move on, eventually you will, but through a painfull process. you would wonder if the other person is feeling the same, a part of you telling you 'yes we loved each other with the same intensity didn't we?' another part would tell you' no way, don't you remember what he/she did to you?' and so on, so on.
I call myself a warrior in a battle of heart against mind. I'm fighting against my heart because, my heart is weak and fragile. but my mind is strong and rational. I love love but it has lost its way of finding me.

taj writes

Everything for the first time, The first time for everything. I know I'm choosing my words carefully. But the truth is I'm writing this blog for myself only. Sometimes I feel like I have too many thoughts crowded in my head, desperate to organize, take in written form. So writing this blog might help me to do so. I want to thank my friend Eric especially, who created this page for me ( apparently i'm too dumb to make my own!).